Dear Everybody...

01 November 2013

Dear seniors everywhere,

Identity. That’s a heavy word, right? Right now, your life as a senior is full of self-discovery. And you can be guaranteed that your college life will be full of similar questions. Who am I? What am I doing with my life? Why am I the way I am? How does my life make a difference? When do I start my life?

I need you to understand two things: you are loved and your identity is not based on any of those questions.

You are a child of God. You are a CHILD OF GOD. YOU are a child of God.

Take a minute to think about what that MEANS. You come from the most powerful being that exists. You are a part of Him. You are made in His image. There is nothing more precious than you. Now here is the real revelation, between being a child of God and being covered in Christ’s redeeming blood, your value is not based on what you do.

No matter how you have lived your life to this point, your worth comes from the One who created you. You are not an athlete. You are not a nerd. You are not emo, a hipster, an overachiever, a failure, or an outcast. Do not carry around what you have labeled yourself or what you have been labeled the rest of your life. There isn’t enough time not to embrace who you really are.

We have been born into a messed up world. Making sense of it helps us survive. We like labels because we want to make sense of our lives. As you move forward with the rest of this year, be brave enough to allow your identity to be determined by Christ. Be brave enough to come back from this experience and be different. A retreat is designed to form an intense intentional community that seeks God’s presence together. It is meant to separate you from everything so you can focus and be changed. So don’t just be changed because of a mountaintop experience that will fade as you adjust to real life again. The experiential high of an intense retreat moment is just that, based on a moment. Make the conscious decision to be different.

And if you don’t know what that looks like, ask for help. God craves a relationship with you like you crave fast food or music or video games. As imperfect as you may be, God wants to be nearer to your heart more than anything else that exists. Trust that He loves you and wants to be with you as you navigate the new and exciting parts of your life. Trust that He knows how you feel about your life, not because He is creepily eavesdropping on you, but instead because His Son knows. Jesus lived life. He faced issues of identity, of worth, of temptation. He was challenged by the Pharisees, amused by His disciples and loving towards His family.

While it is true that high school graduation is the ending of something, and college is the beginning of something, don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that by starting college you are entering the best years of your life. That is false; each year of your life is a gift. You will have different kinds of experiences in college than when you start working, it’s true. Each stage of life is different, but none is better or worse than another. So approach it as a fresh start, if you want, but not as the only fresh start you get.

Do not let what you did or who you hung out with follow you around your whole life, but especially as you go into college. Don’t try too hard to re-invent yourself either. Just accept that how you define yourself won’t make sense to the world. Have the courage to be defined by your faith in a just and loving God. Allow your label to be “loving, servant-hearted human being whose life reflects Christ’s mission”. Do not ever be afraid to start over in the middle of your life or the middle of a day. It does work that way, it DOES. You can always be redefined by the grace of God. Any minute, any hour, any day or any year you can always be redeemed. You can always reclaim your identity as a child of God. Always. There is nothing that you can do to take that option away. NOTHING.

Go forth. Be brave. Love as Christ did. Serve people who deserve it and those who don’t. Remember that heaven is coming, and this life will fade more quickly than you can imagine. God loves you, and so do I.

Love always,

P.S. Check out 1 John 3:1-3

04 June 2011

Dear self (parte uno),

      I know that you are in a lot of pain right now. You are constantly doubting the person that you are because of the feedback that you've been getting at work. I need you to trust yourself. You are not crazy, you are a person. And as we know, people have problems. You have never claimed to be perfect, in face, you are harder on yourself than anyone you've ever met has been on you. You are reacting to a pattern of events that has not changed much over time. You can admit things like: you haven't worked 150% this time. It's the FIRST TIME in your life that you have not given it all, and with good reason.
     You need to remember that there is a good reason that you create loyalty wherever you go. You have many students who still love you, and your kids in this show are responding to you positively for a reason. Not everyone in life will like you, but then again, not everyone will take the time to truly see you for who you are. You probably care about others as much as you put pressure on yourself to succeed.
    I know you are discouraged right now, everything seems stacked against you. You have a ton of people rooting for you, supporting you, and willing to help you. You are NOT in this alone. People around you have been just as badly mistreated, if not worse, and they know what you are feeling. This show is going to be wonderful, you (and everyone else) have worked extremely hard on the production itself and there is no way that it won't show through during the performances.
   There is definitely a reason why this is happening. You've already seen the amount of growth and strength you've gotten from this experience. You've met and created relationships with wonderful people, and found out once and for all that you WANT to be teaching. No questions asked anymore. That was a bonus, that you hadn't expected. Your job after this is all over (soon, darling, SOON) is to build on that desire. And to create the future that you really would like. One day, you will laugh at the ridiculousness of all the drama and hurt feelings from this chapter of your life. This pain will not last forever, and in the mean time, continue to take care of yourself and cuddle with Billy.

Love always and forever,
A

24 May 2011

Dear rain,

I missed you. Thanks for coming back. :)

Love always,
A

19 May 2011

Dear bosses,

     I have noticed a disturbing trend sweeping the nation. Bosses seem to think that the less effort they put into their employees, the more they will get out of them. Less communication from the top down equals more information moving up, apparently. Less guidance equals more focused work results. Less confidence shown equals an increased ability for employees to willingly take risks and try new ideas. I would like to put this out there once and for all: if you are a boss, you must lead.
    Expectations are something that cannot be voiced once, and then never referenced again. Making employees feel foolish for not following the exact expectations you voiced seven months ago, if you have not discussed them since. That is NOT going to get you a pleasant work environment or a relationship based on trust. Employees cannot read your mind, in the way that you cannot actually read their minds either.
     Communication is a must for a reason. Here is an example: if you tell an employee that they need to improve productivity within the staff by giving them more concrete guidelines, then they clearly know what you would like them to do. If you store up frustration and do not inform the employee that you wanted them to do something differently, they will not know that you are frustrated and need to change their course of action.
     Hint: calling an emergency meeting at the crisis point, and venting all of your frustrations and concerns at an employee will not solve them. It will make the situation worse. Your employee will be three times as frustrated as you, because they had no idea that they were not doing things the way you wanted. Being told that all of their hardwork is not enough for you is a slap in the face, and will lead to a downshift in morale.
    Also, if you include "being late" in the employee handbook as a potential reason for being fired, YOU should not be consistently late, no matter what the excuse. By putting yourself in the role of boss, you are constantly watched by your employees as someone to emulate in the workplace. You cannot be the exception to the rule. You also cannot have things both ways. You cannot expect information to flow freely upwards if you do not make a point of sharing information with the rest of your staff. You cannot expect to be respected if you do not show respect to your staff. You cannot get upset if your staff acts their age, although you expect to have understanding beyond their years. You cannot say that you like everyone that you hire, when you treat them like all they do is disappoint you.
   You cannot put the blame for failure within your staff solely on them. If you expect teamwork, and try to maintain blamelessness during a crisis your staff will not be loyal to you, if they remain at all. Passing the buck is not a leadership style. Try truly listening to what your employees have to say, especially when they ask questions or give suggestions.  Building a true relationship built on trust and mutual respect will get you a stronger staff then building one on fear of failing you and constant miscommunication. Use staff meetings well. Understand that you are not the only one invested in the work that is being done. Remember that you are a leader, not just a boss.

Sincerely,
A

18 May 2011

Dear everyone who reads this blog (all 2 of you),

I have tried for quite some time, in our technologically driven world to find a niche that allows me to express my thoughts and opinions in a way that is NOT like my 6th grade diary entries. I have many friends and follow many lovely women who write in a way that is impactful, concise, and inspiring. This is my one billionth try to contribute something meaningful to a world full of instant meaningless facts being shoved into our ear-holes. I believe in writing from the heart, so that's what y'all will see. Enjoy! Or don't. It's your choice.

Love always,
A

03 November 2010

Working Girl

So........ I have a job!

Not only THAT it is an absolutely fabulous job!

I get to work here. *smiles*

My boss is one of the sweetest and most passionate women I've ever met, full of encouragement and initiative.

The teenagers I work with are hilarious and devoted to our cause of bringing healthy and interesting activities to my hometown's community and neighboring townships.

We have available:
Pottery studio (with kiln)
Art studio for: Painting, Arts and Crafts, and more
Sewing Studio
Gymnasium
Stage and Theatre program for: teaching kids about theatre AND putting on AMAZING shows.
(Soon to be) Culinary Arts program with retro style café
Tech lab
Film programs
Recording studio
Youth Advisory Councils

We work with elementary, middles school, and high school students.

Friend us on Facebook
Follow us on twitter

I'm SO excited to be a part of this opportunity to create amazing programs for my local communities.

Peace world!

15 September 2010

How the bl**p did I end up here?

*image from here

Have you ever asked yourself that?

I am very aware of how easy it is to get lost in the physical world (aka while driving/in a foreign country etc).

But I'm talking about life here, people.

At 23, this is not where I pictured myself. I can't say that I'm starving or homeless or lacking for comforts that some people kill for, I'm simply stunned at where I ended up compared to where I thought I'd be.

Even more stunning, is that it's harder then I thought it would be for my dreams not to come true.

I guess that's just the idealist in me? Though I don't think that imagining myself with a job and an apartment, possibly even being in a relationship with a guy I'm crazy about (though that may be stretching it).

Stupid feelings. I need to stop letting them rule my life (according to my therapist at least).

Sleep well, foks.

04 August 2010

Where in the world is...

I've decided to make a Very Important List.
In no particular order!

Cities in which I think I could live:

Chicago, IL

Grand Rapids, MI

Ashland, OR

Savannah, GA

St. Louis, MO

Maybe that's where I should try looking for work...

08 July 2010

Side by side income

My Etsy Store: http://www.etsy.com/shop/astenzel7 is full of beautiful products like this:

On a PERSONAL note I'm going to be arranging a fresh picked bouquet of flowers every week for the rest of summer. Just because.
Take a peek at this week's arrangment!

Peace out baby!

Where I'm at.

*foto courtesy of flickr

I find that lately I feel caged in a lot of ways, that foto is simply a beautiful illustration of one specific way.

There are certain times in my life that I find myself OVER-adjusting for each situation, instead of merely expressing myself as I see fit.

So here goes (an honest list) of what is currently caged: *My heart (obviamente) *My appetite *My future *My relationships with males *My relationship with my mother(familia en total) *My happiness

*le sigh*

I recently received both the dramatic AND melodramatic cards during an Apples to Apples game.

¿qué perfecto, no?

24 May 2010

No comprendí, no comprendo, no comprenderé

I love my Savior.

I try as much as possible, though I am always learning and growing, to live my life to the glory of God, to please my Savior, and to be an example and encouragement to those around me.

I was born and have been raised LCMS Lutheran, that also includes baptism and confirmation in the LCMS Lutheran faith.

I went to an LCMS Lutheran grade school/church.

I went to an LCMS Lutheran high school.

My faith came alive when I was a junior in high school thanks in big part to the senior level theology teacher who constantly pushed us (in a good way) to live out our faith more and more as we grew and matured.

I did NOT go to an LCMS Lutheran college. I went to an "independent" Lutheran college.

At that college, I went to church, chapel, a Christian Fellowship. I led bible studies, and service projects. I worshipped, I sinned, I failed, and I was bathed in grace (Still am praise Jesus).

I now teach at my former high school. With that high school teacher who greatly blessed my life, and I respect as a teacher, a father, and a Christian brother.

Every once in a while, I have a brief exchange with that teacher, in which a shot is taken at my college. It is implied that I have fallen from my faith/my standing as a child of God, in a joking manner that has too much of a bite in it to be solely a joke.

I have just realized that it is the Devil's constant desire to divide and separate Christians through any means possible. Unfortunately, I believe that this is so often overlooked in and amongst ourselves.

Why are we allowing Satan the opportunity to use our own actions to hurt and cause our brothers and sisters as make our way through life in a fallen world? Isn't it hard enough with the world and society and our sinful nature beating us down every day? Why can we not encourage as well as speak truth that is biblically based into one another's lives?

No comprendí, no comprendo, no comprenderé.

Amanda N. Stenzel

04 April 2010

Alleluia!

A blessed Easter to you all!

Mucho Amor!

01 April 2010

So I was thinking..

I think I'm going to try something new in this space. Thought(s) of the day. Simple, concise, and possibly entertaining. (Also maybe rant-y)

Thought #1 - I fear that books may only have a few months to live.

Right? Can Kindles and I-pads replace the hefty feeling of a book in your hand?

Can you open a Kindle right to the middle and inhale the rich smell of the book binding?

Can you go back and read the comments you wrote in the margins the first time you read the book, and laugh at your limited insight? Then add more? And repeat the cycle?

Can you feel the ink on the page?

Can you truly appreciate the detail of illustrations?

Go ahead... call me old-fashioned. I won't mind. Although I do prefer VINTAGE.

Peace out.

11 February 2010

The Power of Positive Speaking

"Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." James 3:5-6

Ok now, this is not a diatribe on watching what comes out of your mouth or you'll go to hell. That's not how I roll.

This is however a mini-entreaty for you to realize how much power your words have.

That might be one of the biggest lessons I want all of my students to walk away with when they graduate or leave my classroom.

A single word can make or break someone else's day. Have you ever realized that? Think of it from the perspective of the person receiving the word or the sentence. Hasn't one statement from someone else ever made you think that your day just got better, or that it just became worth it to get out of bed that day.

And on the flip side: haven't you had one statement make all of the good in a day just vanish? One sentence that undermines your confidence and makes you focus on all that you did wrong that day, or all that you ever do wrong?

That impact is yours as well. The POWER to make that impact I should say. Every single person you meet in a day whether you see them for five seconds or five hours, you have an opportunity to make an impression on their life.

I experience that every day of my life. And maybe it's because I live in a hyper-sensitive state as a depressed person, but I am constantly impacted by what even the "bit players" in my life have to say to me and about me.

I was lucky enough today to recieve three cards from 3 separate people. My cat, Billy, "sent" me a valentine's day card, AKA my mom used wavy handwriting to pretend she was my cat and sent me a valentine's day card.

The more important cards were from my mom's good friend Kathy and from my Aunt (read: Dad's aunt) Lyla.

I recently recieved a long term sub position at my alma mater Lutheran High School North. It starts in March and will go through the end of the school year, which is fantastic, but I guess after getting my first long term sub position at Avondale, and thinking about the amount of time I have to pass until March, it's hard for me to be excited.

Except when I receive two cards in one day that tell me that LHN is lucky to have me. The impact of that statement twice in a row hit me extra hard for some reason. These people who have watched me grow up, and know (truly know) very little about me have more confidence in me than I do in myself. That just blows my mind.

I will keep those cards, and not just because I keep pretty much all cards I get in the mail, but because I will need that when I reach a rough point at North. Because I will, reach a rough point. It will happen in the first few weeks, in the middle of the whole job, and at the end.

But back to my original point: words make an impact, and change a person's world. IT'S TRUE!

Think back on the statement that had the most impact on your life. You'd be surprised where it came from, if you're honest with yourself about what impacts your life.

I'll share one from my top five: my niece, Taylor. She's five. She says over and over again, "Aunt Amanda, you're my best friend."

That makes my life.

<3

03 February 2010

Life in the "Real World"

I think being a year out of college is one of the weirdest places to be.

I have worked for a semester straight at a job that I loved, after a summer of self-doubt and failed interviews.

I am now a daily sub, but apparently no one wants me to sub for them?

It's so hard being a depressive person after five years of counseling (on and off) because I can recognize certain signs of depression in myself, and I can intellectually understand when I am being irrational and reading more into situations than might actually exist, BUT I can't stop myself from thinking these things.

I am my own worst critic, and I know that. Even with my friends and family reassuring me that I am way too hard on myself all the time, I still continue to kick my own arse every day all day.

That becomes hard when you encounter people who want to criticize you as much and as hard as you criticize yourself.

I had an opportunity to sub at the high school where I finished teaching recently, it was a HUGE blessing to see my kids again. But of course, the negative stayed with me more than the positive. I had a student who I trust, explain to me that the teacher who I had been subbing for had said, "Ms. Stenzel is the BEST sub!" over and over again, and then qualified her statement with, "I'm being sarcastic."

Yes, that stings, especially when I know that I failed to meet her expectations for me (even though I worked my behind off for those kids and that job and invested all of me into them for a semester, therefore meeting MY OWN expectations for myself)

I am in shock at the lack of professionalism in a woman that I rallied for with MY kids, right before she came back. A woman whom I told MY kids to respect, and to trust in the transition from me back to her. It just sucks. But that's ok, right? Because my worth as a teacher isn't determined by her, but by MY kids. And that worth was confirmed this past weekend at the dinner theatre production of "The Yellow Boat" where my kids flocked me and hugged me and asked me back.

The fact that I was hired at North is helpful in confirming that I'm a worthwhile teacher with potential as well. A job is always a positive step in confirming that I am desireable. I'm so grateful for the job for many reasons.

Not ONLY because I'll be making more money there, and have access to MUCH more sophisticated technology or things like that, but because I have an opportunity to work with and learn from teachers and administrators that I respect, AND I get to work with kids in a theatre setting again.

BUT I get to be back in that Christian setting. And hopefully, without rocking too many boats, I can show those kids that it is possible to be a vibrant, quirky, loving, young Christian in a world that tries to tell them its impossible to do so.

I celebrated my new job and my latest paycheck by going out shopping with my mom (at her suggestion might I add). I bought the first season of Glee on DVD because I really enjoy that show and never sprung for cable/internets in my apartment. Watching the whole season was great because I had only seen the beginning and the end, but MORE SO the special features made me realize how much I miss the family/community of being in the performing arts. I'd love to join that cast because of the fun behind the scenes. Really, that's the main reason. I promise. I know there are about 7 thousand attractive talented men on the show, but really who wouldn't want to be learning how to be a better actress/dancer/vocalist in a group of fun and attractive young people? Just for the sake of that. Without the romantic drama.

But at the same time, it's sort of a bad thing, to dwell on that community. Because it prevents me from looking at the reality of my life and find a community that exists around me to join as I wait for my new job to start in March. Yes, it's nice to have an escape but it sucks me deeper into this fantasy life that I wish I was living.

And that's just not healthy for me.

I lost the thread of this post. Mr. Brandt would be so disappointed in me.

"Peace out, baby!" - Scrubs.

01 January 2010

I have often dreamed...

I've never really been one for New Year's resolutions but this year, especially over the past few weeks. But I guess there is no real shock there, as I've been on Christmas break and had a chance to slow down and think about life more.

I guess I've also focused more on my emotional self than my physical self, or I've been more conscious of my emotional self as I've gotten older in comparison to my physical self.

Maybe it's family that brings out this pensive side to me, or just the holidays in general. I truly don't know.

Either way, I'm going to put a list of general goals for this upcoming year and beyond.

Start doing daily devotions again
Join St. John's choir
Find a counselor
Figure out WHY I have so many issues with men
Figure out WHY I have so many issues with relationships
Learn how to deal with my continuing depressive cycles
Figure out what I want for my professional future
Be less selfish

It's become uber clear from the past few weeks how deep/powerful my issues with guys are. I can intellectually understand that now is NOT a good time for me to be in a relationship. I'm so frustrated too with the difficulty of meeting someone that I can click with in a platonic way first, before the relationship either becomes a dash to the finish line of a romantic relationship or it doesn't and so it can't become anything. It's hard too to NOT want to connect with someone. I wonder if it is possible to become LESS of a romantic.

As far as a purpose in life goes, I truly think that God put me on this earth to love other people. Simply to love. I am not perfect at it, because I'm a human being and I'm going to fail. But love is boundless, especially when God helps me to love with His heart and His love.

Another thing that I've come to realize is that the only way our troubles and our pain can be put into perspective only through the observation of those people who are in more pain or have more troubles than we do. OR when someone we deeply care about is in more pain or has more troubles than we do. Doesn't that seem backwards? Shouldn't we care more about others? Shouldn't we want to reduce others' pain as much as ours? Help the entire world?

This is my food for thought.

<3>

Amanda

20 December 2009

So it's been five months sinve i've posted something real.

Five months ago.

Five months.

It's been five months since I've found time to write anything deeper than a post full of pictures and captions.

So let's recap.

Important events:

Pre-September:
1. Completed interviews at Olivet High School, Cassopolis High School, and Calhoun Christian High School.
2. Received one offer, as a part time Spanish teacher at Calhoun Christian.
3. Considered it.
4. Mrs. Kearney passed away.
5. Ran into Mrs. Phelps and Mrs. Phillips and discussed job things.
6. Carrie called to tell me about a long term Spanish sub position at Avondale High School (where?)
7. I interviewed there and...

September
1. Got the job.
2. Started work in Auburn Hills at Avondale High School as a Spanish Teacher teaching Spanish 2 and 3.
3. Moved to Pontiac.

October
1. I was hospitalized the night of my first Parent-Teacher conferences at AHS.
2. I was then told that I needed to have my gall bladder removed, as well as the four gall stones in my bile duct.
3. I freaked out because that came w/ 10 days of procedures and recovery time.
4. I was NOT fired.

November
1. Soon after I got OUT of the hospital, my grandma fell and broke her hip.
2. Two days later my dad ended up in the hospital one floor below his mom (my gma).
3. I purchased the new Swell Season CD.
4. I survived being a long term sub through Thanksgiving.
5. I painted my kitchen wall orange.
6. I saved a stray kitten from being cold and alone.

December
1. I realized that I have a regular coffee place (Caribou Coffee, Squirrel and Walton) and LOVED it.
2. I survived being a long term sub til Christmas break.
3. I found out my last day of subbing is in January (the 18th or the 19th).
4. I went to the Swell Season concert in Ann Arbor w/ Zosette.
5. That concert is now #2 in my extensive list of amazing concerts. It's right in between Say Anything in St. Louis and Motion City Soundtrack in Chicago. (Both of those were my freshman year).
6. I rocked an interview at Lutheran High North for a position starting in March 2010.

So those are the important events in my life over the past five months, but what have I learned?
Where is the analysis, the personal spin that is most interesting to other people, and to me?

Well, I learned that finding a church when you move some place new is one of the hardest things in the world to do. I learned that without Jesus I never would have made it through the ridiculously long hours and difficult tasks of being a long term sub.

Five months ago, I was so scared and lost and was completely convinced that I would never be in the place I am now. A place where I have a job, and a home (my apt. really feels like my first home), and I can pay my own bills, for the most part. My parents have been so patient with me, and I don't know what I would do without them.

What is interesting to me now is that I have different fears and worries that are equally as intense (at times) as the ones from five months ago. They've grown broader maybe, like when will I/ will I ever find someone who I want to be with and who will want to be with me?
How do I transition from being a college student into being an adult? What are my priorities in life going to be? How am I going to start my career off? How much will I save and when will I save it? How many material possessions do I need in my life?

It has been a hard transition from college to real life in really one way. Where do I find my community now? Maybe it's just difficult for those who don't go immediately into a solid or permanent work environment, or for those who live alone or go back to living at home, but wow is it difficult to maintain a community of people around you when you don't know anyone and your colleagues are all older than you by a significant amount of years.

More time should be spent on helping former college kids adjust from college to adulthood than from high school to college. Someone could corner that market if they wanted to.

I lost my train of thought because my heart got in the way. I've developed a crush on one of the baristas at my regular coffee place. And it's bad. I've skipped to that point in time when I've already idealized everything about this dude. And from what I've observed in myself and in him over the past few months, it wouldn't work out mainly based on lifestyle choices. And so I feel that same pull in my heart when I see him, but it's all futile. It's a vicious cycle this desire to be with someone inspite of everything that tells me not to act on it.

Also, I'm pretty much a creeper. Always.

I just want to live a life of love towards others, and service towards others. Really that's it. I don't appreciate compleciated emotions getting in the way. EVER. But apparently, such is life. And some things we just never learn, no matter how often we learn them.

30 August 2009

What I like to call.... The Mrs. Kearney Project (Pt. 1)

I spent this past Saturday remembering and celebrating the life of a former teacher, trusted friend, and second mother: Mrs. Robin Kearney. The pictures that I have included showcase a project that I have decided to dedicate to her memory, but were inspired by a few different sources.

Earlier this month I saw this comic:
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2009/8/3&name=Heart

and also by the art and heart of this young lady:

http://colormekatie.blogspot.com/.

Check them both out and you might understand how my mind came up with the idea of creating a life size sidewalk chalk list that reminds us how to appreciate the small joys the life gives us.

Enjoy!