I guess I've also focused more on my emotional self than my physical self, or I've been more conscious of my emotional self as I've gotten older in comparison to my physical self.
Maybe it's family that brings out this pensive side to me, or just the holidays in general. I truly don't know.
Either way, I'm going to put a list of general goals for this upcoming year and beyond.
- Start doing daily devotions again
- Join St. John's choir
- Find a counselor
- Figure out WHY I have so many issues with men
- Figure out WHY I have so many issues with relationships
- Learn how to deal with my continuing depressive cycles
- Figure out what I want for my professional future
- Be less selfish
It's become uber clear from the past few weeks how deep/powerful my issues with guys are. I can intellectually understand that now is NOT a good time for me to be in a relationship. I'm so frustrated too with the difficulty of meeting someone that I can click with in a platonic way first, before the relationship either becomes a dash to the finish line of a romantic relationship or it doesn't and so it can't become anything. It's hard too to NOT want to connect with someone. I wonder if it is possible to become LESS of a romantic.
As far as a purpose in life goes, I truly think that God put me on this earth to love other people. Simply to love. I am not perfect at it, because I'm a human being and I'm going to fail. But love is boundless, especially when God helps me to love with His heart and His love.
Another thing that I've come to realize is that the only way our troubles and our pain can be put into perspective only through the observation of those people who are in more pain or have more troubles than we do. OR when someone we deeply care about is in more pain or has more troubles than we do. Doesn't that seem backwards? Shouldn't we care more about others? Shouldn't we want to reduce others' pain as much as ours? Help the entire world?
This is my food for thought.
<3>
Amanda
No comments:
Post a Comment